You’ve paid the fees. You’ve got the outfit and the equipment. The Operator is waiting. You just need to jump. But getting off that ledge is really freaking hard. You know you want to do this – you have made all the plans, weighed all the options, but when it comes time to make the leap, your brain is screaming at you that this is not logical – NOT safe! – and every time you take a few steps and peer down, convinced that you are ready, your body protests and your feet stay planted right on the ground….until finally, you tell your brain to shut up and jump.
Sound familiar? I’ve felt this way twice in my life…the first time bungee jumping, the second time getting married. Seriously.
Now, I know that in putting this out there, I’m subjecting myself to a lot of critique…like, “wow, this girl probably shouldn’t have been getting married if she was feeling this way” or, “what kind of a woman seriously questions getting married?” But I’m doing it because I think it’s more common than most of us care to admit. That it is actually NORMAL to reflect and consider something that is really scary and that calls into question who you are and how you define yourself. And I’m hoping that, like I hope with all of my posts, I connect with people and make them think and even help to make them feel like maybe they are not so crazy after all for having similar ideas or emotions, but are too afraid to admit them for fear of being dismissed as different or abnormal.
Getting married made me realize the importance of actually having a wedding, with all the funny traditions and rituals which I thought were so ridiculous until I went through it myself…I mean, seriously – it is so silly to get dressed up in a big white dress, prance around, dance, be the center of attention…but I think we do it to help ourselves jump off that ledge – it’s like we NEED the investment, the love and support of our friends and family, the elaborate plans – to help encourage us to take the plunge. To do something that really scares us, to commit to one sole person, to put our hearts in someone else’s hands and be completely vulnerable to someone and trust them for the rest of our lives. All of that emotion and support from our loved ones is our harness and rope – the things that allow us to jump and know that we will be OK and that we will bounce back up into the air after an incredibly thrilling ride.
Almost everyone has asked me if I feel different now that I’m married, if things have changed between Scott and I. And nothing really has – but I feel like our bond is stronger and deeper…like we went through this really crazy and thrilling experience together and that we are closer for it – that no one else but us were there to see it and feel it and live it. Like most of what we have done that has brought us closer and has shaped who we are together, it was the shared experience…the basking in the love and celebration and excitement – the wild ride – that has solidified us. We have another adventure to add to the notches on the belt, and it kinda felt like we bungeed holding hands…and I’ll never forget how it felt to jump or to be lifted back into the air even higher than where we jumped from. I will forever cherish it, and my partner in crime who held my hand just as tightly as I held his while we soared through the air together.
Yep, similar feelings. The bungee jump and the marriage jump – for me, anyway. 🙂
I think it’s a lovely analogy! And, I also agree. I am not a big fan of weddings in general – but I think there is something to be said about calling together your “community” and saying – “ok, yes, I asked you all to come HERE, because I want to say something about who I’m going to commit myself to.” They are the collective witness! To your bungy jumping marriage! I love hearing your insights dear Kenna. Talk soon!